Song of the day.

I’ve had an amazing year so far, especially compared to how terrible last year was. My boyfriend and I went on two perfect trips in January and February, to the beach and to LA. On Valentine’s day we found out that I’m pregnant, and decided we’d get married. We spoke to our parents and found that we were lucky enough to be able to arrange a nice wedding before I started showing. I went through a shady website to get a custom red dress exactly how I wanted, and for cheap. After talking to the people at the hall, we determined that the best date to have our wedding would be April 20th, which we found pretty neat :P  The wedding was beautiful; more than I expected. And earlier in the day I just so happened to get a letter in the mail about my disability case, which had been ongoing since 2009…I finally won. For our honeymoon my husband spontaneously decided he could manage his school work and go to Disneyland for the weekend before it got too hot. It was exactly where I wanted to go, and it was even more perfect that we’d be there on Bats Day. Then this last Friday I had two appointments. One was with social security where they told me that I’ll be getting payments soon, which would allow me to finally get my own place. I’d also have health insurance. The other appointment was my ultrasound where I learned I’d be having a girl, which is what we all wanted. Especially me. Last year I was at one of the lowest points in my life. There was no happiness left in me. I had died inside, and I felt like a ghost that was trapped with the living. Now all of my dreams have come true, and I wont take it for granted for a second.

Some of my family haven’t seemed all that happy for me. The first thing one of them said to me when I announced my pregnancy was, “I told your mother that she’d be raising this child.” Then she proceeded to tell my mother that I’m not going to be able to handle being a parent, and that she was going to lose everything in a custody battle when my husband’s family try to take the baby away. Others started growing distant from me rather than giving me my time to shine, like we always do when someone in the family gets married or pregnant. The one person in my family who I had always been closest to, whose side I stood by when nobody would even talk to her, determined weeks before my wedding that she wasn’t coming because she couldn’t get a babysitter. I know she didn’t even try, or just maybe she would have left the baby with her husband, the father. And of course there was the ugly gossiping. My family likes to drink and I don’t. I have a prescription for marijuana. In one conversation another pregnant relative said she had a few sips of a mixed drink, and that she’d be drinking wine during her pregnancy. I admitted that I’d smoke again AFTER I had my baby. She ended up sharing that with another relative who in turn posted it on his Facebook wall, saying things to make me look like I’ll be a bad mother and that I’m a drug addict. This same person continued to attack me when my mother asked why he was doing it. Eventually I got onto her Facebook and blocked him myself, since he was upsetting her so much. Then, two nights ago, he got onto his mother’s account when she was asleep to post a nasty comment on one of my status updates. It basically said that my marriage wasn’t real, and joked about what my baby’s last name is going to be as if she’s illegitimate. We figured out pretty quickly that it was him, not his mother, as his mother is really happy for me. When I spoke up about him stalking and harassing me, he made a post on his wall saying that I need to suck it up if I don’t like what he’s saying, called me a bitch, and said that someone needed to tell me something since everyone else is too afraid to. Today he called my mother and accused us of having a fake wedding to get money and gifts out of people since I was knocked up (which is ridiculous, since the wedding cost far more than we’d get back). He said that I’m a shit talker, even though he couldn’t think of anything I had said about anyone. And he said that everyone in the family has been talking about this. My mother called my grandmother for support, but she told her to just ignore him and stop with the drama. My mother also talked to the one who said that I couldn’t handle being a parent, who said that things are tense and people haven’t been talking to us because I apparently run my mouth, and my mother needs to put me in check. This opinion stemmed from the ONE time I spoke up and said that I had to sit around and listen to my family’s hateful conservative views, and that I wish they had the consideration to not talk about those things in front of me all the time when I was respectful enough to keep my views to myself.

It’s baffling, really, how quickly I went from being too insignificant to notice to being a hot topic and a target for hate and harassment. But I suppose some people just hate it when their friends become successful.

I think these are the first pictures where I let my belly show, since it’s still small enough to suck in. I am 19 weeks now.

Our honeymoon at Disneyland, the weekend of Bats Day 2012.